Have I bored the brains out of you lately with photo after photo of my children? Don't lie, yes I have.
So here's a new topic to ponder.
Teenager's and bikinis.
Lately, at the pool, I've noticed lots of teenage girls in really small bikinis. And I don't mind bikinis, really. Really...if you want to wear one, go ahead. BUT, here's what I can't figure out.
Background first. When I was a teenager/college student, I think I could wear a bikini and look good in one. I'm not bragging...really, I'm not. Most girls back then could, don't you think? Now, most of the time, I HATED wearing them. I bought cute ones, and then put them on, and felt REALLY self-conscious, and really scared that somehow, something was going to fall off. So, I usually just wore a one-piece most of the time. I just never felt confident in a bikini. Too much skin, too much showing off, too much fear. I thought I wasn't perfect enough for one...which is funny, because back then I probably was, and never knew it. Oh, the angst of youth. Should have taken advantage of it while I could. Before 5 huge babies made my stomach look like mush. But then I see some of these girls, and think, "What the heck is stopping ME?" (But I could never...some things don't change.)
SO, back to my point. I see so many teenagers/young adults, wearing little bikinis...most of them do now it seems, and probably 1/2 of them are overweight and many of them are wearing very revealing little scraps of fabric.
I've strained my brain and came up with two ponderances: (not a word, I know...but it's perfect but such a trivial subject.)
1. Girls are way more confident than they were back in the 80's when I was a teenager, and just don't care what anyone thinks. They don't starve themselves to fit into the perfect "mold" of what Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue wants you to think all women should look like. They think they look good no matter what size, and don't care if they don't impress guys with their rockin' bods. (Which maybe does impress guys and they know it?) More teenagers than ever are overweight, so the past "standard" is lowered, and girls of all shapes and sizes have less fear of being thought of as "big"...or not "bikini-worthy". We've gained great strides in not repeating the same "bad body image" behavior that was so rampant in the past, with every girl comparing themselves to the next new super model on the cover of Seventeen.
2. Skimpy and sexy is in, and no matter what hangs out where, they're going to wear it. Sexualization of girls is at an all time high, and they are judged by their looks more than ever. Skin is in. Tight is right. Come hell or high water, or an extra 30 pounds, they'd rather look hot than be comfortable. No such thing as modestly. If you've got IT (meaning curves), flaunt it. Maybe a little denial thrown in on the "this is not flattering for my body" part.
It just seems, either way, these teenagers and young women are WAY more confident than I ever was. What gives?
So here's a new topic to ponder.
Teenager's and bikinis.
Lately, at the pool, I've noticed lots of teenage girls in really small bikinis. And I don't mind bikinis, really. Really...if you want to wear one, go ahead. BUT, here's what I can't figure out.
Background first. When I was a teenager/college student, I think I could wear a bikini and look good in one. I'm not bragging...really, I'm not. Most girls back then could, don't you think? Now, most of the time, I HATED wearing them. I bought cute ones, and then put them on, and felt REALLY self-conscious, and really scared that somehow, something was going to fall off. So, I usually just wore a one-piece most of the time. I just never felt confident in a bikini. Too much skin, too much showing off, too much fear. I thought I wasn't perfect enough for one...which is funny, because back then I probably was, and never knew it. Oh, the angst of youth. Should have taken advantage of it while I could. Before 5 huge babies made my stomach look like mush. But then I see some of these girls, and think, "What the heck is stopping ME?" (But I could never...some things don't change.)
SO, back to my point. I see so many teenagers/young adults, wearing little bikinis...most of them do now it seems, and probably 1/2 of them are overweight and many of them are wearing very revealing little scraps of fabric.
I've strained my brain and came up with two ponderances: (not a word, I know...but it's perfect but such a trivial subject.)
1. Girls are way more confident than they were back in the 80's when I was a teenager, and just don't care what anyone thinks. They don't starve themselves to fit into the perfect "mold" of what Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue wants you to think all women should look like. They think they look good no matter what size, and don't care if they don't impress guys with their rockin' bods. (Which maybe does impress guys and they know it?) More teenagers than ever are overweight, so the past "standard" is lowered, and girls of all shapes and sizes have less fear of being thought of as "big"...or not "bikini-worthy". We've gained great strides in not repeating the same "bad body image" behavior that was so rampant in the past, with every girl comparing themselves to the next new super model on the cover of Seventeen.
2. Skimpy and sexy is in, and no matter what hangs out where, they're going to wear it. Sexualization of girls is at an all time high, and they are judged by their looks more than ever. Skin is in. Tight is right. Come hell or high water, or an extra 30 pounds, they'd rather look hot than be comfortable. No such thing as modestly. If you've got IT (meaning curves), flaunt it. Maybe a little denial thrown in on the "this is not flattering for my body" part.
It just seems, either way, these teenagers and young women are WAY more confident than I ever was. What gives?
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28 comments:
Have you seen the Lime Ricki suits? They are really cute, and modest too (I don't work there btw lol).
Great blog...your kids and pictures are gorgeous!
I wish society was thinking more like reason #1 but fear it's more reason #2. Sometimes & some situations just require a 1 piece or a nice tankini.
As the mother of a 15 year old girl, I'm afraid the second ponderance is more accurate! Prom dress shopping was just another example of this. Trying to find one that was not too short or too revealing was a challenge! My dress from the late 80's, which I thought was a little riske ;) would be far too much fabric these days!! What can we do, but try to instill confidence AND good values in our children...
I think it's a little bit of denial and a healthy (?!) dose of MTV thrown in for good measure. I was one of those girls who could wear a bikini and look pretty good, but never one of those skimpy dental floss ones. I am so far removed from *that* body these days, that I can't even fathom ever wearing a two piece again. ;) I always wonder what is going through their heads....
I think it's BOTH. But as a teacher and fashion goddess, have you ever noticed that once something is in "style" for 2 seconds, you can't find anything else, really? kids don't have a lot to chose from. and it's basically all following a fashion-dictated standard. which is often not classy. cheap clothes and lots of them, that's how it is these days. i think.
katie
Besides the things that you mention, I think it is what is in fashion. When I was very thin in college, the style was a one piece. Everyone wore them. Everywhere I have been this summer it would be oddball to have a young woman wear a one-piece. As I have gotten older my husband has encouraged me to wear a two piece to be comfortable. I have to say that one pieces are very hot (as in temperature)-- and they actually show the silhouette more. That being said, I wear a tankini to cover my middle muffin.
On the other hand, let's talk about young men like college age. My hubs and I have commented how much beefier they are these days with their bellies. And 20 years ago the style was shorter shorts and now it is longer board shorts.
Oh how I long to be able to wear a bikini again! I LOVED wearing one in my younger, hotter years. And I wonder the same thing when I'm at the pool? How is it that I'm trying to cover up as much of myself as is possible while girls (and women!) who easily have 50 lbs on me are sporting string bikinis??? If it's a confidence or heavier-standard thing, then I think that's actually GREAT!
you have a beautiful blog here ~ I rarely "get out" and look around blogs, but have enjoyed the view this am. A lovely family and wonderful captured memories.
As for swimming suits - I too have wondered about the confidence. I do think it's a generation thing - I've noticed how much more confident they are to just look "bad!" - whether swimsuit, or other clothing. Not just in clothing, but other areas too - like singing, (music styles, etc.) - they don't have to sound good - they are confident to sing anyway!
I think there is a dose of this that is good and I want my children to have it. I want them to be themselves, any shape, talent or lack of and still go for it, be confident and not care what others may think - on the other hand, I'm really not into little tiny string bikinis walking around everywhere on all ages of girlies - especially since I have four sons to raise and it's hard enough without everything hanging out everywhere~ :)
good post ~
alyssa
resolved2worship
I don't think it has anything to do with confidence. I don't like bikinis, I think that they are and always have been too revealing. I don't even want to imagine what it makes guys think. Which is why I think it has everything to do with lack of confidence. If you have to parade around in practically nothing to get a guy, then obviously you don't admire your own personality or countenance enough. I think you probably have too low of self esteem. I would say that one of the things my husband loves about me is modesty. Whatever happened to leaving up some things to the imagination?
Very interesting. It's funny, because I think that as time passes, young women are more and more insecure, much more appearance-conscious. I think teenage girls are more angst ridden than ever. They feel insecure no matter what, so they think that they might as well put the skimpy two piece on and at least maybe then "fit in". You might as well be insecure and popular than insecure and alone, right?
It is shocking, isn't it? I was really of the same thought process as you when I was a teenager. I don't think I ever wore one in public, actually. Now after 3 kids, my stomach too is not the picture folks want to see in a bikini. Eeewww. ;)
I have three daughters. My oldest is nine and we have had many conversations between all of us about modesty and what is acceptable to "show the world". I think teenage girls these days don't particularly care what size they are. They have just come to believe that to be socially and (gasp!!) sexually acceptable, they have to be half naked. Unfortunately I think a lot of it starts at home. Girls are not taught to appreciate how wonderful they are in other ways, so dressing in a scrap of fabric to be appreciated seems acceptable.
I don't know. I'm ranting. I agree with your shock though. What happened to a bit of modesty and self respect? It's very sad to me.
Thanks for sharing. Have a great weekend.
XOXO
*Tricia
P.S. I am not bored with the pics. of the kids. They are adorable!
I totally agree with previous poster: what happened to a bit of modesty and self respect? Because even if you're "thin enough" to wear one, is that really what you want to show the world? There are parts of you that are only meant to be known by yourself and your (future) husband! :)
The thing that gets me is pre-teens and even toddlers in bikinis. I treasure my daughter's modesty too much to send her out into the world wearing so little.
I have owned one bikini in my life and I felt so self-conscious wearing it that I only ever wore it to sunbathe in the backyard at home once or twice. It's not so much a feeling of not being confident in the way my body looks. I actually feel pretty good about the way I look- not perfect, by any means, but healthy and well-proportioned. I just can't get past the basic truth that wearing a bikini is basically the same thing as walking around in public wearing my underwear. Under no circumstances would it be okay for our male friends, or our friends' fathers or strangers to see me in my bra & panties. My other problem is that I'm pretty chesty and I find that most bikini tops are designed to reveal rather than conceal and support, so I'd actually show LESS if I were to wear my bra out in public!!
I agree with the posters who have mentioned that it partly falls on the shoulders of the fashion industry. Its hard for girls to find something that might be considered "different." I have a 3 year old daughter and have to admit that I even have a hard time finding modest one piece suits for her to swim in. I, for the life of me, can not understand why my 3 year old would need a swim suit that shows off her body, not to mention the skin/cancer exposure. Nor will I ever understand why there are children running around with "JUICEY" written across their behinds. My mother always taught me that just because its "in" doesn't mean it will fit my body, and its something that I will strive to teach my daughter.
It is too bad that our youth feel that more is better. Today's society is dominated via media and what media prints is what must be correct! Nevermind morals, self-respect, dignity, imagination, uniquiness. I wish there was another side to the coin as far as what women should be like, as far as the media goes. Or maybe even, a recogniation that the media is out of control and not the norm!! Life is better lived when media isn't dictating!! How did society let the media take such control? What is being taught in homes?
I agree - I think young girls are very confident and sometimes too confident. I am embarrassed by some of the things they wear and wish I could give them some fashion advice.
I don't let my girls wear bikinis. I just think it's inviting trouble. Of course when they are older they can make their own decisions, but I am a big believer in modesty.
Plus I think the more left to the imagination is more attractive than baring everything.I have found some really great sites that sell modest, attractive, fun one pieces and tankinis so my girls and I can feel cute without showing too much.
XOXO
Jen
I think (imo) that lots of women who grew up with all those body images are now mothers who are teaching their daughters to not have those same body image problems that they went through. They are trying to teach them that they look great no matter what size they are.
Now with that said, I have seen alot of girls who shouldn't be wearing those little itty bitty things, but then again look at all those teenage boys who think it's fine to let their pants hang down around their ankles and show off their rear ends (no matter what size they are) as well.
I'm just glad my kids have more sense then that LOL!
I have a 19 year old college-student daughter who wears a bikini on a very well proportioned and toned body. She, however, is modest enough to have found one that offers full breast as well as bum coverage. It cost us nearly $300!(I paid half, she paid the other.) I think the costs of well-made things often prohibits us from purchasing that which will allow us to be "in style" as well as show sound judgement.
A slight subject change, but I NEVER ALLOWED my daughter ,when she was younger,to go out in an ill-fitting garment no matter how trendy...I'm the parent, and my way was the correct way. Too many parents abdicate that position to "be friends" with their kids.
i am so tired of bikinis.
i don't like having to see practically every inch of the teen girls bodies at our pool.
i don't want the men around me (any men)looking a the bodies of teens. because it's not just the teenage boys who are looking!
it's one part that i don't feel confident with my own body anymore (5 kids too)...one part that i hate men being tempted when they are trying to be with their families...one part that i don't want my daughter getting attention for her body...one part that it's not pleasant for me to look at.
we told our daughter she could buy a tankini or one piece or nothing.
she chose nothing.
give me a break.
Abdication of values worth having... always enjoy your post, kids or no..
BTW, my son calls them zuchini's. Lol.. :)
"Look mom, it's a red zuchini, I bet you like that one!" little does he know, no one, save my husband will ever see my midriff again. HA!
Posting from mother-in-law's computer... Louisiana Laura www.bythebushel.blogspot.com
Hmmm...interesting. I think the same insecurities are still there, but it's easier to do what everyone else is doing than stick out.
I'm so thankful I have sons.
I didn't see anyone comment on this: pregnant women in bikinis? I'm sorry, but YUCK. I love the look of a healthy, pregnant, young mom but whatever happened to discretion? It is FAR sexier than showing all.
Great post to get the conversation going. Thanks!
D.
guys desire, girls desire to be desired right? I think that's an age old truth. However, in the current culture it usually takes a lot less clothing to be desirable. So, if a gal wants to feel desired she'll often wear, or not wear whatever it takes. Such a bummer. As a mom of 3 girls, I'm striving to teach my daughters that the innate desire to be desired is best satisfied in marriage. Out side of that- all that effort, thought, lack of clothing, etc... leaves you seriously hurt. In other words I don't think it's self confidence driving these gals but a serious drive to be seen as desirable
I once read a book that posed the question..."would you answer your front door in your bra and panties?"...I'm assuming that for most of us the answer would be a gigantic "NO!" Nor would we allow our daughters to do so. But we don't think anything of going out to the public pool in our bikinis. I personally think it's sad that we are allowing our daughters (even our little ones) to be so immodest. I'm not a prude, (I wore bikinis all the time back in the day) frankly I'm so embarrassed at what I wore and I had the bod to do so. Ladies, take a stand and stand for something. Let your girls be girls. Sorry, I'm off my soap box now. I really didn't mean to rant and rave like that. I hope that you'll at least consider my opinion. Also, I'm only anonymous because I don't have any of the other accounts.
I just don't understand why it's okay to wear a bikini at the beach, and have everyone look at you, but it's not okay to wear underwear and if anyone sneaks a glance at you, they are considered a pervert???
I think it's reason #2. Girls today wear way more revealing clothes than we ever even thought about wearing in the 80's. No girl would ever wear just a sports bra to a sports practice and now that's completely acceptable. Half of the teenage girls today look like they're wearing giant padded bras under skin tight t-shirts. I'm also shocked at the Halloween costumes that are marketed for teens in this day and age. They are all teeny tiny sexy things. So inappropriate. I wish girls could give teenage boys and their dad's a break from having to control their thoughts all of the time. I'm so glad that others are seeing what I'm seeing.
Great topic. I was going to say it's a combination of both, and maybe it is, but after reading the other comments I think it may be that girls are just following the fashion trend and there's too little else available to them. And parents don't seem to care! I have been able to find modest clothing for my DD10--nothing hideous or anything, just "normal"--but it takes some searching and not shopping at the usual places like Wal-Mart. It can be more expensive, too, but that's where hand-me-downs and secondhand stores come in.
I am shocked at what pre-teens, teens and 20-somethings do these days to try and look attractive. I am no prude, and I wasn't an innocent teen by any means, but I think things have gone so far now it's absurd. I am so tired of seeing girls' thongs and butt cracks it drives me insane! I also have some 20-something friends on Facebook and I am shocked at what some of them do/say/write that is so sexual. On a public forum like FB! Shivers...Even girls who make a big deal out of being Christians do this (I'm not that religious, so I'm not judging, but this seems like a real disconnect here), and boy are they open about their sex lives. Sheesh! I hope to be raising my children better, that's for sure.
Maybe if the stores sold a few more one pieces instead of racks and racks of itty bitty things. One piece shopping is totally frustrating. And yeah the standard body for a bikini seems pretty low lately.
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